Septic Shock

We are studying shock in my critical care class this week. Normally I am interested in EVERYTHING that we study to some extent. Not to say that shock isn't interesting, but that it is hitting home and I am finding it hard to concentrate. One of my dads died last summer from shock among other things. It started off as what they thought was bronchitis; two months later he was in the ICU with a fungal infection in his lungs (aspergillus), A-Fib, septic shock, renal failure, liver failure (and untreated Hep-C), DIC, etc, etc. He really had no chance at that point. I remember quite vividly being on the phone with him almost nightly for a month and then with his attending physician the afternoon of the 10th. He had already coded once and did a second time while I was on the phone with the physician, that was hard enough in itself. Now, I have to put a focus, a picture, names, symptoms, lab values, and more to what happened to my dad. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss. I have studied all of these things before in other classes, though not since his death. I wasn't close to him; we were both at fault for that. I often wonder when the hurt will really go away. I can be perfectly fine for months at a time and then tremendously sad at a moments notice. If the death of a man I hardly knew can effect me so much, then how will it be when I lose others that I am close to? Will I be able to cope? Funny how I am well aware of all those coping mechanisms, the stages of grief, the norms for our culture, and what not...they just don't seem to apply to me. I will be glad when we are done with shock so I can get back to "normal."