First Day of School

It's been 10 years now since I had my first baby, he isn't such a baby anymore! He is entering his last year of elementary school as a 5th grader...wow, where did it all go? Madeline is stuck somewhere in the middle, 2nd grade to be exact. She thinks she is ready for junior high...and I think I am in trouble when she actually is. Then there is Sheridan. Seeing her get on the bus for kindergarten today was bitter-sweet. My baby girl who is needy in so many ways; she was more than ready to go. I thought I might cry; maybe the fact that I did not shows we are entering another part of parenthood. The part of parenting in which you realize there is a time to let go just a little bit, and it's okay. Her willingness to go so easily...is it a sign of how well we have done? I like to think so. Now Dane, OH DANE! What will he do without them? He has grown so much over the summer and has begun to interact with the other kids a lot. He has never known a house by himself, which is why I think I will be plenty busy! I think Dane and I will go grocery shopping and I will take a break from the multitude of voices I hear every day.

Top 10: Cervices...or Cervicese...or Cervicis...or Cervixes...?

I think it is really cervices...I think. Anyway, my first full week on my own is over! The week started out pretty rough, but has ended on a really nice note.

1. I have learned that if you don't have all your ducks in a row while dealing with a precipitus labor...the Dr. might gift you with a BRAND NEW ORIFICE!

2. I have learned that crowning caput does not indicate impending delivery, but possibly three hours of pushing.

3. I have learned how to document correctly on a PIHer on 1.5 mg Magnesium Sulfate per hour.

4. I have learned that monozygotic twins CAN be delivered breech in the LDR room in an extreme emergency.

5. I have learned that, often, pre-term babies...no matter how big...may need to use a nipple shield to get things started on feedings.

6. I have learned not all cervices are created equal. Some are farther back than others...and some feel like you are checking the back side of an umbilicus!

7. I have learned draining a bladder, even just 100 ml worth, can help bring a baby down.

8. I have learned how to talk an exhausted woman...too tired to go on...into an extra hour of pushing so she can deliver her baby.

9. I have learned I am able to rely on my co-workers for support and help just about any time (THANK YOU!).

10. I have learned I can trust my instincts and I really AM capable of doing this awesome job!

Better Late Than Never

I grew up in a house where opinions spoken, feelings were shared, and people were accepted for who they were. We were always encouraged to do our best and given advice, solicited or not, on how to make the best decision when faced with a dilema. Independence was praised. There was always time for a little extra cuddle time and love. Honesty was valued no matter the situation; though teenagers are not always honest about what they are doing.
We often did things as a family. The lake, walks, Sunday drives, and a slip and slide in the back yard. My parents always made time for us, no matter how tired and worn out they were from working multiple jobs and going to school. They made it a point not to fight in front of us. I never knew, until I was older, if something was wrong...I never had the chance to pit one parent against another for an obvious difference of opinion.
We spent time cuddled up in bed with our parents, we were always welcome. We made as much noise as we wanted when we were outside. We did things that didn't cost a dime but were worth so much more in the end.
It wasn't a fairy tale upbringing, by far. It showed me that a loving home was possible no matter what the circumstances or societal rank a family had.
This is the type of home I want my kids to remember. I hope it isn't too late.
Meals at the dinner table do not mean a thing if the TV is on and you aren't allowed to converse. It's hard to be a kid if you aren't allowed to explore loudly outside so your parents know where you are. It's hard to be imaginative if you aren't allowed to make a fort out of blakets, sheets, and dining room chairs. It's hard to learn societal norms if you aren't allowed to ask why. It's hard to bond with someone without a physical closeness. It is time for a change.
Is it better late than never?

Frontage Road

Okay, so here is a giggle for you...since I giggle at myself every time I see a sign for "Frontage Rd."
We went to Houston in 2007 for spring break and, of course, had to travel through several big cities on the way. I thought it was interresting that so many places had a road named "Frontage." It never occured to me that "Frontage Rd." was simply a side street for access to businesses off of highways and such until I saw "Frontage Rd." around every twist and turn while in Houston.
Yes, I AM still a silly blonde girl on the inside. Now, every time I see a "Frontage Rd." I giggle at myself, however, I would never tell my husband about my absence of common sense because he'd NEVER let me live it down!

Forgiveness / Amends

Her breasts and arms ached with the beauty of her own forgiveness. -Meridel Le Sueur.

Everyone needs to be forgiven. Mistakes are made / our loved ones are hurt, and in turn we hurt ourselves. I cannot accept the forgivenss of anyone else until I have taken the time to accept and take responsibility for myself. I have to forgive myself before making amends with those people in my life which I have caused pain.
The hard part is deciding what it is I need forgiveness for...sounds strange, I know. There are those easy moments to remember; like when I threw food at Art in the cafeteria while in Jr. High, when I smoked in the basement after my mother told me not to, and when I ate the last of the Chunky Monkey knowing darn well Kerry wanted it.
I am talking about the times when I was too tired to answer the phone when a friend was calling, when my kids only wanted to snuggle in close and I told them to let me be, and when I spend too much money on restaurant food instead of making the cable bill on time. Oh, the guilt can be overwhelming! Go ahead, laugh...but it is!
Are these things that haunt me from time to time those things I have to forgive myself for and not worry about, DUH! Yes, they are. Those are my selfish ME moments that I have to take in order to keep my sanity. Realizing it is okay to want a little space, peace, quiet, and a nice meal I don't have to clean up after...it's okay. We have earned it. We deserve it. Ebb and flow / give and take.