Cold Weather Cooking

A whopping 8 inches of snow, large drifts, and the chill in the air have me warm and cozy inside baking away! Chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, peanut butter cookies, and the list goes on... Really, it's just a God given and greatly appreciated reason to not exercise and load on the calories by the thousands! YUMMY!

I'm not really sure why I ever shunned coffee the way I always have. Oh, but it is so heavenly with Hazelnut Biscotti creamer. I MUST remember to thank God for the creation of hazelnuts and and the most wonderful things that are made from them. such as Nutella, International Creamers, Coffee and Teas, Frangelico Liqueur, Ferrero Rocher Chocolates, and the list goes on!

Halloween in November?

So it's a little late, I know. This month had whisked by me, it's unbelievable to me Thanksgiving is only little more than a day away! Our family has been busy in more ways than I care to even think about and I am looking forward to the weekend when we will be able to start the Christmas season officially, YEAH! I suppose it's only appropriate to post the Halloween pictures before the Christmas pictures begin to flood my blog, facebook, and your emails!

New Glasses

It's been about a hundred years since I bought a new pair of glasses since I typically only wear them from the bathroom to bed at night and from bed to bathroom in the morning. I promised a couple of you pictures, so here are my new "old lady" glasses!

P.S. I really do like them!

Driving through Kansas

I always enjoy the drive to Kansas City. I especially like to be the one behind the wheel whether the rest of the family is with me or not. The three-ish hours it takes gives me a little time to reflect on whatever may come to mind. Additionally, for me, it is time to really take in the seasons in Kansas. If you have ever driven from Salina to the east you should know there is much to take in. Those who aren't from here often do not have the ability to appreciate the softness of the landscape, this is unfortunate.

The fall season is one of my favorite to take this drive. The hills of the Kanza really do roll... The highway cuts through the hills to expose too few layers of our archeological history and limestone posts jut out from the tops to form fence posts that separate one mans land from another. Clouds lay down shadows into the deep and narrow crevases. The land is laced with a multitude of tall grass varieties of which I no longer know the names but once learned. The colors are most eyecatching at sunset. Gold, deep purple, sage, and rust are further accentuated by the coming of night as the rays of the sun give the visual sense of summer passing like an old and faded denim jacket.

I have taken this trip along I-70 so many times I cannot begin to remember them all. I have been alone, with friends, my parents and grandparents, and with my own husband and children. It never ceases to amaze me that I always see something new. There is also something comforting about the familiarity of the drive. The winery is the half-way mark now, though at one time it was Paxico / Stucky's. Seeing the old orange 76 station at Solomon helped me to recognize when we were almost home. The turnpike has been changed since I was a child as have the roads and routes we take to get to our destinations. The trip still takes us through Topeka where it's still fun to see who can spy the Capital building first.

If you are taking this trip; roll the windows down, turn the radio up, wave at the cattle, and pay the toll for the car behind you...just once. Most importantly, look around you and see the glory of our nature that is there for us all to see.

FUN-draisers

FUN-draisers my hiney! I love my kids and support their school, but COME ON! REALLY? There are so many of them (fundraisers that is)...options are good, yes. The problem is this: The schools / companies have an all school assembly for these things and make it a HUGE deal for the kids. I know they want the kids to be excited; however, the disappointment is also that much more as they are turnded down over and over again. When family, friends, and co-workers see us coming they RUN like the wind in the other direction because our approach would be the 116th time they have been asked this week.

The prize list:
Level A (1 item sold) - Foam airplane glider
Level B (6) - Magic Trick Cards
Level C (15) - Zip and Zoom Boomerang
Level D (25) - Balloon Copter
Level E (35) - Squirting Calculator
Level F (45) - Jam N Jammer

Level G (55) - Crazy Hair Visor
Level H (65) - Wall Climbing Car
Level I (75) - Rising Star Tent
Level J (85) - Game Room
Level K (95) - Razor Rip Rider



I believe this is one of those things parents should be warned about when having a family with more than one child...four children = four fundraising packets with two catalogs each. Catalogs offer $9.00 rubber bracelets and $19.00 packages of frozen soft pretzels (6 per). Don't they know we are in a recession? Someone should bring this to their attention. Any volunteers?

Jibberish

Dane is now two and some of the jibberish is turning into words. For those of you who are still trying to decipher what it is he wants here is a loose translation.
"ash" Trash
"ish" Fish
"mommy" Mommy
"daa-y" Daddy
"dink" Drink
"shz" Shoes
"cock" Sock
"bye" Bye
"mo" More
"k" Okay
"nigh-nigh" Night Night
"her-gaw" Here you go
"paw-y" Potty
"mine" Mine
"caw" Car
"baw" Ball
"bawpr" Diaper
"awp" Up
"peas" Please
"doggy" Doggy

As you can probably tell, he is still very Dutchy...but he is coming along just fine and I am sure we won't be able to shut him up sooner than we think!

First Day of School

It's been 10 years now since I had my first baby, he isn't such a baby anymore! He is entering his last year of elementary school as a 5th grader...wow, where did it all go? Madeline is stuck somewhere in the middle, 2nd grade to be exact. She thinks she is ready for junior high...and I think I am in trouble when she actually is. Then there is Sheridan. Seeing her get on the bus for kindergarten today was bitter-sweet. My baby girl who is needy in so many ways; she was more than ready to go. I thought I might cry; maybe the fact that I did not shows we are entering another part of parenthood. The part of parenting in which you realize there is a time to let go just a little bit, and it's okay. Her willingness to go so easily...is it a sign of how well we have done? I like to think so. Now Dane, OH DANE! What will he do without them? He has grown so much over the summer and has begun to interact with the other kids a lot. He has never known a house by himself, which is why I think I will be plenty busy! I think Dane and I will go grocery shopping and I will take a break from the multitude of voices I hear every day.

Top 10: Cervices...or Cervicese...or Cervicis...or Cervixes...?

I think it is really cervices...I think. Anyway, my first full week on my own is over! The week started out pretty rough, but has ended on a really nice note.

1. I have learned that if you don't have all your ducks in a row while dealing with a precipitus labor...the Dr. might gift you with a BRAND NEW ORIFICE!

2. I have learned that crowning caput does not indicate impending delivery, but possibly three hours of pushing.

3. I have learned how to document correctly on a PIHer on 1.5 mg Magnesium Sulfate per hour.

4. I have learned that monozygotic twins CAN be delivered breech in the LDR room in an extreme emergency.

5. I have learned that, often, pre-term babies...no matter how big...may need to use a nipple shield to get things started on feedings.

6. I have learned not all cervices are created equal. Some are farther back than others...and some feel like you are checking the back side of an umbilicus!

7. I have learned draining a bladder, even just 100 ml worth, can help bring a baby down.

8. I have learned how to talk an exhausted woman...too tired to go on...into an extra hour of pushing so she can deliver her baby.

9. I have learned I am able to rely on my co-workers for support and help just about any time (THANK YOU!).

10. I have learned I can trust my instincts and I really AM capable of doing this awesome job!

Better Late Than Never

I grew up in a house where opinions spoken, feelings were shared, and people were accepted for who they were. We were always encouraged to do our best and given advice, solicited or not, on how to make the best decision when faced with a dilema. Independence was praised. There was always time for a little extra cuddle time and love. Honesty was valued no matter the situation; though teenagers are not always honest about what they are doing.
We often did things as a family. The lake, walks, Sunday drives, and a slip and slide in the back yard. My parents always made time for us, no matter how tired and worn out they were from working multiple jobs and going to school. They made it a point not to fight in front of us. I never knew, until I was older, if something was wrong...I never had the chance to pit one parent against another for an obvious difference of opinion.
We spent time cuddled up in bed with our parents, we were always welcome. We made as much noise as we wanted when we were outside. We did things that didn't cost a dime but were worth so much more in the end.
It wasn't a fairy tale upbringing, by far. It showed me that a loving home was possible no matter what the circumstances or societal rank a family had.
This is the type of home I want my kids to remember. I hope it isn't too late.
Meals at the dinner table do not mean a thing if the TV is on and you aren't allowed to converse. It's hard to be a kid if you aren't allowed to explore loudly outside so your parents know where you are. It's hard to be imaginative if you aren't allowed to make a fort out of blakets, sheets, and dining room chairs. It's hard to learn societal norms if you aren't allowed to ask why. It's hard to bond with someone without a physical closeness. It is time for a change.
Is it better late than never?

Frontage Road

Okay, so here is a giggle for you...since I giggle at myself every time I see a sign for "Frontage Rd."
We went to Houston in 2007 for spring break and, of course, had to travel through several big cities on the way. I thought it was interresting that so many places had a road named "Frontage." It never occured to me that "Frontage Rd." was simply a side street for access to businesses off of highways and such until I saw "Frontage Rd." around every twist and turn while in Houston.
Yes, I AM still a silly blonde girl on the inside. Now, every time I see a "Frontage Rd." I giggle at myself, however, I would never tell my husband about my absence of common sense because he'd NEVER let me live it down!

Forgiveness / Amends

Her breasts and arms ached with the beauty of her own forgiveness. -Meridel Le Sueur.

Everyone needs to be forgiven. Mistakes are made / our loved ones are hurt, and in turn we hurt ourselves. I cannot accept the forgivenss of anyone else until I have taken the time to accept and take responsibility for myself. I have to forgive myself before making amends with those people in my life which I have caused pain.
The hard part is deciding what it is I need forgiveness for...sounds strange, I know. There are those easy moments to remember; like when I threw food at Art in the cafeteria while in Jr. High, when I smoked in the basement after my mother told me not to, and when I ate the last of the Chunky Monkey knowing darn well Kerry wanted it.
I am talking about the times when I was too tired to answer the phone when a friend was calling, when my kids only wanted to snuggle in close and I told them to let me be, and when I spend too much money on restaurant food instead of making the cable bill on time. Oh, the guilt can be overwhelming! Go ahead, laugh...but it is!
Are these things that haunt me from time to time those things I have to forgive myself for and not worry about, DUH! Yes, they are. Those are my selfish ME moments that I have to take in order to keep my sanity. Realizing it is okay to want a little space, peace, quiet, and a nice meal I don't have to clean up after...it's okay. We have earned it. We deserve it. Ebb and flow / give and take.

I am finally getting used to this new schedule...meaning time for family and me. I had the weekend off and enjoyed every moment I did not HAVE to crack a book, every moment I could focus completely on my kids. Nope, I don't have to be the "MmmmHmm" parent with a half assed look out of the corner of my eye while my face is burried in a book, as the kids say "Look at me mommy!" I don't have to miss any of it now! Nothing is cooler than that!
We had two nights of sleepovers...(I am learning that boys are just as giggly as girls so don't let your husbands tell you otherwise)...swimming, pizza, ball practice, and just an all around good time. I had no worries about when I would squeeze in a little time for anyone or anything! The house was cleaned, errands were run, kids were happy, Kerry got to shoot clay pigeons and even went to the driving range. It might be easier than I thought to find a "happy" place right here at home.
I was tired last night, but couldn't sleep. My solution??? I got in the car, drove north until I hit a dirt road and continued about a mile (which isn't far if you live where I do). I turned everything off, but a little light music, and sat back on a blanket in the ditch. I did not stay long, but the crickets, the breeze, the night sky, all of it was so...so tranquil. I could have fallen asleep right then and there. The point of the story? Making time for me, ANY time for me is coming along nicely. I am still responsible for everything as before, but I am able to let go of the unimportant to make time for my own serenity...good word, thanks friend.
Maybe I will get back home to me sooner than I thought.

Don't you realize that the sea is the home of water? All water is off on a journey unless it's in the sea, and it's homesick, and bound to make it's way home someday. -Zora Neale Hurston

Courage

This is the art of courage: to see things as they are and still believe that the victory lies not with those who avoid the bad, but those who taste, in living awareness, every drop of the good. -Victoria Lincoln

My great friend, S.C., has this posted on her blog: "I would swear to anyone that I'm the luckiest person in the world. My life isn't perfect, but my memory is such that I can't remember anything bad." What great insight she has! She chooses to deal with her every-day ups and downs, just like the rest of us...but she feels all the good with such depth in each of her senses that she can't remember anything bad! What an AMAZING feeling to have! Lucky her, and lucky me to have such great inspiration in a friend like her.

Courage accept the negative and relish all the good that comes with it...no matter how much or little there is! Cool.

"A smile, a nod in the elevator, a few minutes of quiet time-these are living every drop of the good."

Drinking from my own well.

In contemporary America people are again discovering how to drink from their own wells. -Lynn R. Laurence

I am not sure how long this will last, but I have decided to share my daily meditations. I hope to keep it going for many months but that will take some discipline on the "taking time for me" side of life.

The text states, "...looking outside ourselves for someone who will fix our lives for us. We sometimes even believe that God or a power greater than ourselves can make everything alright-that we just have to sit back and let it happen. Not so."

"Healing is the experience of the oneness of all things and our ability to take our place in that oneness."

So in short, I am a firm believer in my God; He has carried me through so much! It is knowing I have to be an active participant in my life and in my healing process that is the difference. He is within me and all that is around me. Free will cannot be taken from me, it is a very special gift He gave to me before I was born. Choices. Choices are what we all have. I choose to be an active participant because if I choose to lay back and let it happen...it will be the end of me.

"My thirst can only be quenched from my own well and my awareness that this well is mine and is shared by all."

Clusters

Life comes in clusters, clusters of solitude, then clusters when there is hardly time to breathe. -Mary Sarton

Well put. I received a book over a year ago from a dear friend. I spent a few days looking at this book and haven't opened it since. Time to change that. Time to start looking at me; not selfishly, but in a healing way. I have always been more comfortable with a busy schedule, it has kept me from what I fear...time for a person I have never REALLY known. Me. I must learn to take the time to breathe and appreciate myself, my time, my efforts, and my children. "The ocean never tires of the ebb and flow of the tides. I have something to learn from the ocean."

I took my NCLEX-RN today...now we wait. It has been a long haul and I have often thought the end would never come; funny, it isn't the end! I have never been more excited to be done with it all and can't help but wonder what I will do with myself now. Early mornings, late nights, studying every day, and wondering if the light at the end of the tunnel isn't just a train moving at lightening speed to squash me like a ripe tomato! I really am done for now, but am more antsy than I ever thought I would be. There is plenty to do here at home and the extra time with the kids is heaven sent, but when everyone goes to bed for the evening...here I sit. No research, no care plans, no drug cards, just me and it feels so overwhelming!

Maybe I'll hit the library now for something other than a research project or a journal article to critique. Time to clean out that hall closet that happens to be growing winter coats and boxes of cub scout gear, take lots and lots of evening walks so I can enjoy the night sky, and splash in the puddles after a great Kansas thunderstorm! WOW! Isn't it great?!

Nearing the Beginning of Something GREAT!

Hard to believe that all of OUR hard work is coming to a head! Only 3 1/2 weeks to go before graduation and then on to bigger and better things...I can only imagine. Four years of non-stop schooling, homework, and late nights typing away at the computer. No more. No, it isn't the end...but the beginning of a dream come true and more time for my beautiful family. I couldn't be more thankful for the people in my life who have supported me EVERY single day. My husband, children, parents, siblings, extended family, and friends who are near and dear to my heart. Those who have been more than willing to help me pick up the slack and answer the phone at midnight to hear my cry about this and that. Best of all...my kids have survived it and seem to be no worse for the wear, for now anyway. How blessed I am. Thank you.

Baby Shoes

Nothing is better than baby shoes. Well, almost nothing.
I have been repeatedly blessed with happy and healthy children and am truely greatful. That should be enough, right? Nope, I am a selfish and greedy girl! I've known since I was a little girl that I wanted a big family; yes bigger than what it is now. I could have another 1, 2, 3, kids and be perfectly content to be eternally pregnant...ahhh babies. I WANT MORE!!!!
My best friends have recently had beautiful babies, are currently expecting, or are planning on babies in the near future. Though I couldn't be happier for them, I am green with envy! Wicked Witch of the West GREEN!
Kerry doesn't want more, he thinks he is too old...BAH!
So here I sit all alone in my pity party puddle wishing for babies that will never come. In the mean time, CONGRATULATIONS (really and sincerely) to Cortland's mommy, Margaux's mommy, Addisyn's mommy, Reese's mommy, Emry's mommy, and the other 8 mommy's to be who are in my everday life and close to my heart!

The Computer Fixer Upper

I bow down to the angel who fixed my mess. OH what a mess it was! He spent a couple of days on the poor thing and from what I understand we had over 300 virii and a number of other issues. I am eternally grateful to you oh computer swami! I have NEVER been so excited to be able to do homework...NEVER EVER! I can now breathe.

Boogers...

Boogers are gross. I don't care how you look at it. I am a nurse and boogers are like mucus...mucus is gross. The word "mucus" says it all. Gross. I have always wondered when kids learn how to pick boogers. Do we teach them as infants and babies as we wipe / fingernail scrape the dried boogers from the opening of each nare? Okay, easy enough to figure out...here is the best / worst part...who teaches them to EAT the boogers? No, mine don't eat their boogers (that I know of or am willing to admit); however, yes, my kids pick their noses...and apparently one of them picks his cousins nose as well. Who knows the answer to this? I need to know, really. I want to inform that person of how icky this is and that they should not be teaching children to eat their mucus...ugh *shiver with the willies* Shame on the booger eating teacher!

Septic Shock

We are studying shock in my critical care class this week. Normally I am interested in EVERYTHING that we study to some extent. Not to say that shock isn't interesting, but that it is hitting home and I am finding it hard to concentrate. One of my dads died last summer from shock among other things. It started off as what they thought was bronchitis; two months later he was in the ICU with a fungal infection in his lungs (aspergillus), A-Fib, septic shock, renal failure, liver failure (and untreated Hep-C), DIC, etc, etc. He really had no chance at that point. I remember quite vividly being on the phone with him almost nightly for a month and then with his attending physician the afternoon of the 10th. He had already coded once and did a second time while I was on the phone with the physician, that was hard enough in itself. Now, I have to put a focus, a picture, names, symptoms, lab values, and more to what happened to my dad. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss. I have studied all of these things before in other classes, though not since his death. I wasn't close to him; we were both at fault for that. I often wonder when the hurt will really go away. I can be perfectly fine for months at a time and then tremendously sad at a moments notice. If the death of a man I hardly knew can effect me so much, then how will it be when I lose others that I am close to? Will I be able to cope? Funny how I am well aware of all those coping mechanisms, the stages of grief, the norms for our culture, and what not...they just don't seem to apply to me. I will be glad when we are done with shock so I can get back to "normal."

More From The Mouths Of Babes

Sheridan to her Memaw this weekend. "I have hot potty, my pee smokes in the toilet."
Enough said.

The Things Kids Say

Dane: Waving to Elijah while on the way to bed, "Bye bye."
Madeline: "Mommy, I accidentally sharted."
Sheridan: "Mommy put my bunny ears up out of the way so I don't dick around with them while I'm on the potty."
Elijah: While standing directly in front of the trash can at the park, "Mom, where do I throw this away at?"

Hmm.

Good enough

I am not sure when I became so damn pessimistic, at this point I don't really care. My Monday:
Wake up at 6am, pee, shower, dress myself.
Get kids up at 6:30 & get 4 kids dressed, fed breakfast, and ready for the day.
Start a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher.
Check work, home, and school emails; check calendar for "To do list."
Double check book bags for needed signatures and homework.
8:10am Take 2 kids to school, come home, swap laundry, clean up kitchen.
Change a diaper, play with 2 kids while prepping for tonight's dinner and folding clothes.
Do some homework, feel guilty about not spending enough time with kids while I turn on the stupid television so I can get some work done.
11am Fix lunch and feed 2 kids.
Change a diaper.
12:45pm Drop one kid off at the sitter and take another to school.
1:10pm Go to school.
7pm Come home from school; change a diaper and swap the laundry again.
Talk to husband& eat dinner.
Check kids' homework.
7:30pm Bathe the girls and the baby get them ready for bed.
8pm Say prayers with kids and put them to bed.
Clean the kitchen and finish laundry.
Study and do homework.
11pm Go to bed
3am-ish Wake up to husband coming home from work and talk for about 15 minutes.
5:30am Wake up for another day...school starts at 6:50am on Tuesday.

Each and every weekday is pretty similar to this one...and I am working nearly EVERY weeked 8 to 12 hours each day.

Unfortunately I am NOT able to keep everyone up with a friggin play by play no matter how hard I try. Yes, I made my bed, I am happy to lie in it...what I do not need is anyone else's passing of judgement on me and how I chose to get through MY life with MY children. A friend once told me this, "A lot goes on behind closed doors, until you know everything that happens there you have no room to judge." AMEN, brother Lucas!

So, for the millionth time...I AM TRYING! If you don't like my effort then GET LOST!

Pinewod Derby

YEAH! This is Elijah's fourth year participating in the Pinewood Derby, and it is the first year he has won first place in his division! Who knew notebook paper could travel so fast? Here is this year's car and some cars from years past. We have the "24" car which won 4th place in his first year; the "American Flag" car that won 2nd place and the most patriotic his second year; the bus...which ran like well, a bus and finished last the third year; finally, we have the "notebook paper" car...the FIRST PLACE car! Wahoo! I am so proud of him! Good job peanut!

Tooting my own horn here....I got the job!!!!

I interviewed for a non-existant position in women and childrens' services on Monday. The director told me that she would let me know in a couple of weeks...and included that she doesn't typically hire this far in advance. Jen, from HR, called me today to offer me the position! I had to pull over I was SOOOO EXCITED! Misty was with me and I am so glad that she was...I needed someone to HUG! I think she was pretty excited for me too (Don't tell her I saw it, but I saw tears in her eyes for me!)

toot! toot!

Yeah me! I get to have babies all of the time now! I get to learn new things EVERY day! I get to go to a job that I absolutely LOVE! Yes, I believe this is what I was made for...YEAH ME! Finally, everything that I have been working so hard for is finally coming our way!

(I have to include this somewhat ODD picture representing obstrical nursing.)

Nintendo and Sex

We have been childless since Sunday now, though it has been quiet I am so VERY ready to have them home tomorrow. The week has been fairly uneventful. I worked Monday and Tuesday, slept in on Wednesday and celebrated the New Year with Kerry and Don, today has been full of laundry and early spring cleaning...I am sure life could not get much more boring at this point. I did take in a series of "Ringing in the Romance" movies on the Lifetime channel while folding the eternal baskets of laundry and heard the most honest line ever spoken...are you ready? "...do you like sex? If you do I suggest that you don't buy him a Nintendo for his birthday..." The absolute bane of society, or maybe just my sex life. I find comfort in knowing that it is not just me...